ORIGINAL PAPER
\nUndisclosed Paternal Identity in Narratives of Distress Among
\nYoung People in Eastern Cape, South Africa
\nMzikazi Nduna \u2022 Rachel Jewkes
\nPublished online: 17 July 2010
\nSpringer Science+Business Media, LLC 2010
\nAbstract Life trajectories of children with no connections to support from their fathers have received research
\nattention. Within this group is a sub-group who do not
\nknow their fathers and no research has attempted to
\nunderstand their experiences. We present accounts of how
\nyoung South Africans deal with and seek to uncover
\nundisclosed paternity. Forty young men and women aged
\n16 to 22 volunteered to participate in a qualitative study on
\ndistress that was conducted in the Eastern Cape Province.
\nAll interviews were conducted in isiXhosa, following a
\nsemi-structured guide. Our findings show that interest in
\nfather identity was motivated by harsh circumstances in the
\nmaternal home, notably when financial difficulties, exclusion from critical decision making and bullying by nonbiological siblings were felt. The search for father identity
\nwas pursued in solitude by some participants: their fear of
\nelders\u2019 response restrained them from asking. Some
\nthought that it would be interpreted as being disrespectful
\nand ungrateful to ask \u2018such a question\u2019, whilst others
\nworried that they might be victimized or, worse, thrown out
\nby their mothers or maternal guardians. We present
\naccounts of accidental disclosures by strangers and also
\ninadvertent involvement in an incestuous relationship.
\nOpen and honest communication with children about their
\npaternal identity should be promoted to prevent the currents of silence, secrecy and anxiety, and avoid unpleasant
\nsurprises for the children.
\nKeywords Family Father Paternity Youth
\nSouth Africa
\nIntroduction
\nChildren\u2019s experience of undisclosed paternity has
\nreceived no specific research attention. This phenomenon is
\nmentioned in passing with reference to absent fathers in
\nstudies of family life, masculinity, fatherhood, orphanhood
\nand poverty (Denis and Ntsimane 2006; Eddy 2009;
\nFreeman and Nkomo 2006; Hunter 2006; Kane-Berman
\n2009; Madhavan et al. 2008; May and Norton 1997; Moore
\n1988; Ramphele and Richter 2006; Townsend et al. 2005).
\nYet there is a difference between absent fathers and
\nundisclosed paternal identity. \u2018Absent fathers\u2019 is a broad
\ncategory, and studies from South Africa report on the
\ndemographics, causes, increase and possible impact of
\nabsent African fathers but do not report on the experiences
\nand how children are affected when paternal identity was
\nunknown to them (Coovadia et al. 2009; Denis and
\nNtsimane 2006; Department of Health, Medical Research
\nCouncil, and Measure DHS? 2002; Department of Health,
\nMedical Research Council and OrcMacro 2007; Eddy
\n2009; Freeman and Nkomo 2006; Jewkes et al. 2006;
\nKane-Berman 2009; Madhavan et al. 2008; Posel and
\nDevey 2006). Sometimes children with absent fathers may
\nnot know their father and this causes problems. For example, in a study conducted in the Mpumalanga province,
\n24% of the 315 children aged 10 and 11 did not have any
\nconnection with their fathers, sometimes the biological
\nfather was genuinely unknown to the mother, child, and
\nother kin (Townsend et al. 2005). In other cases a father
\nmaybe known to the mother (and possibly more widely),
\nbut he had never acknowledged paternity (Datta 2007;
\nM. Nduna (&)
\nDepartment of Psychology, University of Witwatersrand,
\nPrivate Bag X3, WITS, 2050 Johannesburg, South Africa
\ne-mail: Mzikazi.nduna@wits.ac.za
\nR. Jewkes
\nGender and Health Research Unit, Medical Research Council,
\nPretoria, South Africa
\n123
\nJ Child Fam Stud (2011) 20:303\u2013310
\nDOI 10.1007\/s10826-010-9393-4
\nDenis and Ntsimane 2006; Hunter 2006; Nduna and
\nMaseko 2008).
\nResearch on adolescence shows this to be a time when
\nthe need for family belonging and identity becomes particularly strong and children generally have a need to know
\ntheir parents (Plotnik 1999; Ramphele and Richter 2006;
\nSebastian et al. 2008; Thomas 1992; Turney 2005; Weiten
\n2001; Zimardo et al. 1993). Evidence to support this comes
\nfrom qualitative research with adults in Botswana. Participants said that where paternal identity was undisclosed,
\nthey started asking questions during their adolescence
\nabout their fathers and wanted to find them (Datta 2007).
\nSimilar findings emerged from women in South Africa
\nwhose children asked them to disclose true paternity (Denis
\nand Ntsimane 2006). However, there is limited understanding of the specific dimensions of family functioning
\nthat prompt this. In this paper, through participants\u2019
\naccounts, we demonstrate how maternal family circumstances breed a sense of both physical and emotional
\ninsecurity for children who have no knowledge of, and no
\nconnection with their biological fathers.
\nMethod
\nWe conducted a phenomenological study in distress in
\nButterworth, a small town in the predominantly rural
\nprovince of the Eastern Cape in South Africa. This district
\nhas three suburbs, seven townships, eight informal settlements and 25 rural villages. Residents are mainly Black
\nAfricans of the AmaMfengu tribe, mostly Christians and in
\nthe low to middle class. We recruited youth aged between
\n16 and 24 who were either in or out of school. Volunteers
\ncame to know about the study through a research assistant,
\na study announcement made at two local high schools
\nthrough life skills teachers, and by word of mouth.
\nA snowball approach best describes the recruitment strategy (Speziale and Carpenter 2007). In isiXhosa, we
\ndescribed the study in information sheets as research about
\nyoung people and their life experiences; we described the
\nstudy selection procedures, its voluntary nature and methods of information collection. We sent information sheets
\nto the research assistant a month before field work began so
\nthat they are distributed to potential participants. On the
\nday of data collection, we re-emphasized information about
\nthe study in order to ascertain that volunteers were aware of
\nthe details in the information sheets. All participants gave
\nwritten consent for the interview to be audio-recorded.
\nIn September 2007 and April 2008 we interviewed a
\ntotal of 40 young people at venues as agreed with the
\nparticipants: either at school or in the researcher\u2019s car. On
\nthe few occasions when visual privacy could not be
\nguaranteed, auditory privacy was always ensured. We
\nconducted all interviews in isiXhosa following a
\nsemi-structured interview guide. Each interview took about
\nan hour. We asked participants to recall and describe a life
\nexperience that bothered them or caused them pain,
\ndescribe how they think the experience affected their daily
\nlife, how others (family, relatives or anybody else)
\nresponded and what attempts at resolution did they explore.
\nWe transcribed interviews verbatim and translated them
\ninto English. We obtained ethical approval for the study
\nfrom the University of Witwatersrand and we used
\npseudonyms for participants during transcription.
\nDuring the research process we paid particular attention
\nto representing the participant\u2019s experiences accurately.
\nThe first author for this paper originates from the same
\nplace, bringing a deep, insider view to the lives of the
\npeople under study. This strengthens the validity of the
\ninterpretation of findings (O\u2019Connor and Gibson 2003).
\nBoth authors have worked with young people in this area
\non interventions and research, which enhances their credibility and cultural knowledge. After the initial preliminary
\nanalysis, we run a workshop in Butterworth to present the
\nfindings and see whether they fitted with the community\u2019s
\nexperience; this is called member checking and is a recommended way to confirm the credibility of qualitative
\nfindings (Speziale and Carpenter 2007).
\nThe sample consisted of 24 females and 16 males, half
\nunder and half over 18. Twenty-seven of the participants
\nwere high school students, 10 were enrolled at the
\nUniversity of Technology and three were out of school but
\nunemployed. Eight of those in high schools were over the
\nage of 18. All were still under parental care. Thirty had
\nlived most of their lives in the townships whilst the other
\n10 predominantly grew up in villages. Sixteen were living
\nwith a primary caregiver who was neither their biological
\nmother nor father. Five had lost both parents, 10 had lost a
\nfather only and six a mother only. The longest period of
\nloss of a parent was 10 years and the shortest was 2 years.
\nPain associated with the narration was deeply personal and
\nprofoundly disabling for many participants, as it was in an
\nintimate arena of their familial lives. For some participants,
\nsharing their stories was seen as a journey of healing.
\nWe offered a referral to the social workers for participants
\nwho appeared extremely distressed in telling their stories.
\nNone of them took the offer, a choice that was respected.
\nFor some participants the pain remained intensely private\u2014
\nnot even to be discussed with closest of family and friends.
\nWe analyzed the data following conventional qualitative
\napproaches and recommendations for phenomenological
\nstudies (Babbie 2008; Speziale and Carpenter 2007).
\nDuring the process of coding we clustered together similar
\nelements from the narratives and labeled them as themes.
\nWe identified the theme of \u2018unknown father\u2019 as dominant
\nin different narratives. Twenty-one of the 40 respondents
\n304 J Child Fam Stud (2011) 20:303\u2013310
\n123
\nspoke about absent fathers as their main source of distress.
\nAt the time of the interview, some had hints about their
\nfather\u2019s name, clan, surname, and place of origin or work,
\nbut had no connection with him. As this was a recurring
\nand pronounced theme, all narratives that referred to this
\nwere further coded to look at meanings attached to the
\nexperience and responses of significant others when the
\nquestion of father identity was asked. The focused analysis
\nresulted in this paper. We have presented exhaustive
\ndescriptions of broader findings on distress from the study
\nelsewhere (Nduna 2010; Nduna and Jewkes 2010).
\nResults
\nWe present findings on how participants approached and
\ndealt with the question of unknown father identity. Silence
\nfrom mothers about the identity of the father caused feelings of insecurity, anxiety and frustration for the participants. Participants described how interest in their father\u2019s
\nidentity started in the middle to late teens, although some
\nlearnt about their fathers from the village when much
\nyounger. We also show how an inadvertent case of incest
\nwas both an opportunity to discover the true identity of a
\nfather and a bitter consequence of undisclosed true
\npaternity.
\nMotivations for Seeking Paternal Disclosure
\nParticipants\u2019 motivations for seeking to know their fathers
\ndiffered, but in the main, they responded to financial
\nhardships and physical and emotional abuse from maternal
\nrelatives and stepparents. Financial contributions towards
\nclothes, food and education defined the material value of
\nthe absent father, beyond identity completion. For example,
\nSipho (male, 22), like others, worried about his mother\u2019s
\ninability to raise money to ensure that he could complete
\nhigh school, and this prompted his questions about his
\nfather. Sipho said:
\n\u2018\u2018\u2026Last year here at school they were asking us for
\nschool fees, R400\u2026She [mom] said she did not have
\nmoney\u2026I asked her \u2018what about my father where is
\nhe? You once told me he is a teacher\u2019\u2026\u2019\u2019
\nWhen we met him for the interview Sipho was among
\nthe students who had not paid tuition fees for the current
\nyear and possible school exclusion worried him. The theme
\nof hardships prevailed and it was a motivation for Phakama
\n(female, 18) to run away from her maternal home where
\nthey would go \u2018\u2018\u2026without food and could not afford
\nschool\u2026\u2019\u2019. She was a maternal orphan whose maternal
\ngrandparents would not allow her to know about her father.
\nSome of the participants did not stay with their mothers, or
\nthe mothers were unemployed or had died. In the absence
\nof their mothers and with no knowledge of their fathers,
\nthey often occupied a particularly low status in their homes
\nand had no one to stand up for them. This experience
\nmotivated Phakama to follow leads as to her father\u2019s
\nwhereabouts, in the hope of breaking away from the poverty of her maternal home. She discovered that her father
\nwas a teacher, and so ran away to find him. Phakama was
\nliving with her father at the time of the interview. Others
\ndescribed times when they were bullied by cousins and
\nrelatives. They talked about moving between homes to be
\ncared for by different uncles and aunts, resulting in disrupted education. At homes they felt that they were asked
\nto do heavier work and were punished through severe
\nbeatings, especially by uncles. They understood that the
\nfact that they \u2018did not have a father\u2019 explained the harsh
\ntreatment they received.
\nChuma\u2019s (male, 17) father denied that he was responsible for the pregnancy and left his mother unsupported.
\nShe married another man. Chuma\u2019s narrative focused on
\nhis experience with his stepfather, who painfully and
\nconsistently reminded him that he was not his father.
\nChuma felt unloved and rejected, and he perceived his
\npresence in his home to be a source of marital conflict
\nbetween his mother and step-father. Even though his
\nstepfather had a job in the government as a civil servant,
\nthey were short of money even for rent, and had to move to
\na village. This was a sign of social demotion. Chuma made
\nmoney working as a vendor after school, selling sweets,
\nvegetables and other items, a source of both pride and pain.
\nAs he said: \u2018\u2018\u2026I was playing a father\u2019s role of making sure
\nthat I support my mother to put food on the table\u2026\u2019\u2019:
\nmeanwhile she had not given him a clue about the
\nwhereabouts of his father.
\nNot all were so disadvantaged and Nkosazana\u2019s narrative shows that where money was available and familial
\nkindness forthcoming, paternal identity was less of an
\nissue. Her maternal family was well placed to fully provide
\nsupport. Her maternal uncle, a teacher, met her financial
\nand emotional needs. She never enquired about her father
\nand did not keep his contact details even after she had met
\nhim. She said: \u2018\u2018\u2026When we met I did not have any unmet
\nneeds, I\u2019m being provided with everything that I need\u2026\u2019\u2019.
\nThis contention was rare in the other narratives.
\nStatus and Recognition in Maternal Homes
\nA socially recognized connection through paternity legitimizes claims of belonging and improves the status of
\nchildren in their homes. Though the treatment of children
\nand their levels of involvement in decision-making vary
\nfrom family to family, we uncovered complaints of being
\nexcluded from decision making by some participants with
\nJ Child Fam Stud (2011) 20:303\u2013310 305
\n123
\nabsent fathers. Others said they felt like outsiders and
\nduring family conflicts they were sometimes told that they
\ndid not belong to the home. This made them feel insecure
\nas they felt that their situation allowed them to be blackmailed and abused. Some felt that they were being chased
\nout of the home and indeed had moved out. According to
\nDonga\u2019s narrative conflict did not always evoke feelings of
\nbeing an outsider. Donga (male, 20) grew up with his
\nmother and was content with her financial and emotional
\nsupport. Donga had just come out of ukwaluka and was
\nikrwala [a new man]. \u2018Ukwaluka\u2019 is a rite of passage for
\namaXhosa boys that comprise a series of rituals in African
\ntraditional religion upon which status change to manhood
\nis acknowledged (Mager 1998; Mavundla et al. 2009;
\nMekoa 2003). The ritual involves sending boys, usually at
\nage 18, to a 4-week initiation school, after which they
\nshould forsake boyish behavior and assume adult behavior.
\nThe boy\u2019s father, his male relatives and elderly men in the
\ncommunity, as custodians of the tradition, play a significant
\nrole in initiating the boy. Donga reflected on his father\u2019s
\nexpected role as someone who, he hoped, would help him
\nto enter manhood and ensure that his new status would be
\ntaken seriously. He complained that in his maternal home
\n\u2018\u2018\u2026Sometimes you find that there is umsebenzi [traditional
\nceremony or ritual] to be done at home and find that I have
\nnot been informed\u2026at the end I am a man and I belong to
\nthis home; there is no other home that I know of\u2026\u2019\u2019. The
\n\u2018umsebenzi\u2019 [traditional ceremony] referred to here was
\nheld at his village home a few weeks before we met him for
\nthe interview. These ceremonies are customary in the
\nXhosa tradition and have significance for family members.
\nUsually sacrifices to the ancestors are made; those who are
\npresent are believed to receive ancestral blessings. He felt
\nundermined as a man that his mother did not tell him about
\nit and he interpreted it in terms of his absent father and as a
\nsign of his unrecognized social status within his maternal
\nhome.
\nAsking Questions
\nWe asked participants if they ever asked their mothers or
\nother relevant adults about the identity and whereabouts of
\ntheir fathers. Most said that questioning mothers or other
\nguardians about paternal identity was uncomfortable.
\nAgain and again they spoke about avoiding asking \u2018\u2018such a
\nquestion\u2019\u2019. This quote from Donga supports this:
\nSometimes you feel like asking the parent that you
\ncurrently stay with, in my case my mother but you
\nalso have that fear and find that you are unable to ask
\nsuch a question so that\u2019s what is really bothering
\nme\u2026I just lock myself in my room thinking that if
\nmy father was around things would have been different so I do cry sometimes but not loud\u2026When I
\nsee other [young] females don\u2019t want their children
\nto know their fathers then I ask myself if that
\nparticular woman knows the pain that the child
\nwill go through because I know it from experience\u2026I am here without the knowledge of who
\nmy father is\u2026
\nParticipants instinctively felt that they might be looked
\nat and treated differently after asking such a question; or,
\nworse, they might be thrown out of the house for being
\n\u2018ungrateful\u2019 to their single mothers. For example, Donga
\nsaid: \u2018\u2018\u2026I am avoiding my mother\u2026so I am avoiding the
\nfact that when she sees me crying she would want to find
\nout why, then I would say it\u2019s because my father\u2026That\u2019s
\nwhat I hate whereas she raised me alone up to this stage so
\nI think she would ask why am I only asking about my father
\nnow\u2026\u2019\u2019. For others it was a topic that had never been
\ndiscussed at home and so they were loath to raise it,
\nintuitively feeling that it was potentially explosive.
\nInterestingly, for males, a strategic opportunity arose to
\nask. During preparations for ukwaluka (initiation school),
\nconsultation with the father is important. Normally, imbeleko should precede ukwaluka. Imbeleko is a sacrificial
\nritual in which a newly born child, as a new member of the
\nfamily, is introduced to a clan of ancestors (Kuckertz 1990;
\nMkhize 2006). Boys raised by their mother\u2019s family can
\nhave these rituals done under the auspices of their maternal
\nfamily. When Donga (male, 20) and Sipho (male, 22) were
\npreparing to go to the initiation school, a traditional healer
\nadvised that Donga\u2019s father be involved in the initiation,
\nand asked who the father was. Sipho\u2019s uncles suggested to
\nthe boys\u2019 mothers that it was important to invite and
\ninvolve the fathers, or their clan members, so as to initiate
\nconnections with ancestors. Sipho\u2019s uncle suggested that he
\nshould have his imbeleko done first \u2018\u2018\u2026with the knowledge,
\npresence and participation of my father\u2026\u2019\u2019. Both boys
\nwere frustrated that their mothers neither heeded the call to
\ninvite the fathers, nor disclosed their fathers. Donga\u2019s elder
\nbrother dismissed this question, saying that he too did not
\nknow his own father and he were initiated by his maternal
\nfamily. Both Sipho and Donga were very appreciative of
\ntheir mothers, and ultimately they did not contest undergoing initiation under their maternal families. Thus, the
\nboys missed the opportunity provided by ukwaluka.
\nDonga\u2019s mother was adamant about establishing her position, and, in fact, she used the opportunity during umgidi
\n[the return from the initiations school ceremony] to publicly announce that \u2018\u2018\u2026she is my mother and father at the
\nsame time, there is no one else\u2026\u2019\u2019. She clearly knew that
\nher son was waiting for her answer to the question posed by
\nthe traditional healer and her making this statement
\n306 J Child Fam Stud (2011) 20:303\u2013310
\n123
\npublicly further restrained Donga from ever asking again;
\nas he said \u2018\u2018\u2026I decided not to ask any question again\u2026I
\nnever asked that at all\u2026\u2019\u2019.
\nOpen Secrets
\nDespite the frustrating and daunting silence, some participants stated that they felt that they were old enough to be
\nable to handle the truth even if they had to keep it secret,
\nand few asked either their mothers or aunts who their
\nfathers were. Responses varied, but after the child discovered truth on their own some mothers said they were
\n\u2018\u2018waiting until the right time\u2019\u2019 to tell them. In an account of
\nundisclosed adoption, a drunken man told Nombeko
\n(female, 22) that the woman she knew as her older sister
\nwas actually her mother (she was being raised by her
\nmaternal grandparents). Nombeko did some research in the
\nvillage and among other things she leant who her father
\nwas. Nombeko said \u2018\u2018\u2026 each time I asked, my grandmother shouted or beat me\u2026\u2019\u2019 for asking about information she heard from the street. She said: \u2018\u2018\u2026By the time
\nI asked I needed to confirm something that I already knew,
\nI needed to hear it from an adult\u2026from my own family\u2026
\nso I gave up\u2026\u2019\u2019 Nombeko described with bitterness how
\nher family\u2019s response strained their relationship and caused
\nher more confusion.
\nIn another open secret, neighbours introduced Phakama
\n(female, 18) to her brother, from another mother. Her halfbrother persuaded her to go 80 km to the town of Butterworth to meet their father because he \u2018\u2018\u2026 needed\u2026\u2019\u2019 her,
\nbut he could not come and ask her grandparents because he
\n\u2018\u2018\u2026did not pay damages\u2026\u2019\u2019. \u2018Damages\u2019 refer to a traditional form of accepting paternity in the event of a pregnancy that happen out-of-wedlock. It is in the form of
\npayment due from a man to the woman\u2019s family. Failure to
\npay damages following pregnancy meant that grandparents
\ndid not allow the father to come and visit his child.
\nPhakama\u2019s paternal family lived in the same village but her
\nmaternal grandparents would not allow them near her
\nbecause \u2018\u2018\u2026they would steal and take me to my father in
\nButterworth\u2026I didn\u2019t know my father, I only heard from
\npeople that he is Butterworth, he is like this and that\u2026\u2019\u2019.
\nPhakama did not discuss her discovery of her father with
\nher maternal grandparents as she thought it would be
\nunacceptable; she and her step-brother ran away from their
\nrespective maternal homes to stay with their father.
\nParticipants invariably brought news they heard about their
\nfather\u2019s identities home. Nkosazana was aged 13 when she
\nwent back home to ask her family about the man in the
\nstreet who told her that he was her father- her family
\nwelcomed the discussion.
\nIncest: Discovering the Truth and a Bitter Consequence
\nof Undisclosed Paternity
\nThere are many opportunities for sexual encounters among
\nthe youth in the communities we studied, as they attended
\nthe same schools, played in the same streets and used the
\nsame shops. Phakama was in her early teens, and she said
\nshe once overheard her father saying that he had fourteen
\nchildren; since she had not met many of them, she worried
\nabout potential incest. Such worries cannot be dismissed,
\nas incest was a pathway to discovery of true paternity for
\nSiyabonga (male, 19). He said:
\n\u2026My girlfriend came to visit me at my home and my
\nmother saw her and asked me if we knew each other,
\nI said yes. She said that \u2018it is good that kids of the
\nsame father know each other\u2026if your father was still
\nalive he would be very happy to see you together\u2019\u2026the girl and I had no clue what she was saying
\nabout \u2018your father\u2019\u2026
\nIn hindsight he realized that, in the course of his longstanding relationship with the girl, some villagers had made
\nsuggestive comments that they looked alike, but they were
\noblivious to the implications, as they had no clue to their
\nfathers\u2019 identities. Siyabonga was conceived as a result of
\nrape, and his (late) father rejected responsibility, which
\ncould explain why his mother kept this a secret. This
\nseverely affected him. He lashed out at his mother and even
\naccused her of having killed his father through witchcraft;
\nlater he displayed an array of behavioral problems,
\nincluding drinking, disappearing from home, pick-pocketing and bunking school. He was angry with his mother for
\nnot telling him the truth much earlier. He got confused
\nabout different versions of the truth and even attempted
\nsuicide.
\nAssignment help – Discussion
\nOur findings suggest that seeking paternal identity was not
\nonly about establishing identity, as theories of adolescence
\nmay suggest; rather, in the context of poverty, the primary
\nmotivation was to get support from the father. In large
\nfamilies where three generations often lived in one house
\nwith no one working poverty and hardship were pronounced. In today\u2019s economic context, where 75% of
\nAfrican children in South Africa are reported to live in
\nincome poverty, financial hardship places extreme pressure
\non families; this results in a lack of basic necessities such
\nas food and money for schooling (Eddy 2009; Mkhize
\n2006). As reported here, when resources were limited, and
\nfamily membership was viewed in terms of access to
\nJ Child Fam Stud (2011) 20:303\u2013310 307
\n123
\nfamily resources this provided a motivation for restricting
\nfamily membership which generated intrafamilial conflict
\nand raises challenges related to family adoption for children who do not know their fathers. In these circumstances
\nsome participants responded at an intrapsychic level and
\nfelt themselves to be additional and unnecessary burdens.
\nOther\u2019s responses operated at an interpersonal level by
\naccusing their mothers of hiding information from them.
\nHowever, considering the broader context of poverty, the
\nsuffering borne by the participants may not always have
\nbeen motivated by evil on the side of the guardians.
\nFamilies may have been ripped apart simply because they
\nhad fallen on hard times brought about by illness, death and
\npoverty. This is illustrated in another paper (Nduna and
\nJewkes 2010). These situations challenge the assumption
\nthat a child born out of wedlock will be taken care of by
\nmaternal grandparents, guaranteed lineage, social position,
\nancestral protection and material support (Datta 2007;
\nEuler et al. 2001; Jewkes et al. 2009; Kaufman et al. 2001;
\nKuckertz 1990; Malherbe 2006, 2007; Risseeuw and
\nPalriwala 1996), more so for children with no connection
\nand no knowledge of their fathers.
\nPhysical suffering, emotional starvation, and the cold
\nabsence of love, tenderness and care were some of the
\nmotivations for seeking paternal identity as identified in
\nthis paper. Participants talked about having nobody to turn
\nto and in their eyes this was personalized and they blamed
\nthose who acted as their guardians for hiding their true
\npaternity. Failures by both the mother and the unknown
\nfather to offer proper care to the children rendered them
\npowerless, voiceless and the most vulnerable members of
\nthe extended family households where some lived. Harsh
\ntreatment by relatives led to participants\u2019 perceptions of
\nweakened family loyalties, and left questions about their
\nsafety under maternal uncles. This increased their motivation to want to know their own fathers. Psychological
\ntheories contend that adolescence is a period of evaluation
\nwhen children start to monitor the social world around
\nthem, interpret others\u2019 behaviors and question intentions
\n(Plotnik 1999; Santrock 2005). Our participants interpreted
\nthe actions of maternal relatives as sinister. We argue that
\nwhilst participants were incorporated by their maternal
\nfamilies, narratives of exploitation, differential treatment,
\nblackmail, abuse by relatives and loveless households that
\nwere utterly characterized by conflicts posed questions for
\nassumptions about traditional and time-honored role of
\nfamilies in protecting children. Supporting research
\nshowing that security is not always guaranteed for children
\nin maternal homes (Freeman and Nkomo 2006; Risseeuw
\nand Palriwala 1996; Shaffer 2002) more so when they do
\nnot have connection to their fathers.
\nOn the male participants\u2019 side, frustrations of undisclosed father identity were rooted in tensions around
\nperceptions of their \u2018adult\u2019 status.The two males felt that
\ntheir age and the manly status acquired through tradition
\nentitled them to expect a more open adult relationship with
\ntheir mothers. They were disappointed that their mothers
\nwere not ready to talk to them openly even when an
\nopportunity presented itself during preparations for ukwaluka. The desired role of the biological father in preparation for initiation school emanating from the belief in
\nancestral protection (Datta 2007; Morrell and Richter
\n2006) was an opportunity that could have been utilized for
\ndisclosure. The search for the father can be facilitated or
\nthwarted by different responses. The silence could also
\nspeak volumes about the circumstances of pregnancy.
\nAs children, participants did not have the authority get
\nadults to listen to them. Lack of communication can be
\ninterpreted as a sign of negative family functioning. On the
\nchild\u2019s side, knowing one\u2019s father might be expected to
\nheal the pain; children felt that perhaps this should start
\nwith the mothers acknowledging the great wrong that has
\nbeen done by not disclosing father identity to their children. Parents\u2019 common response that they were waiting for
\nthe right time\u2014though these narratives came from children
\nolder than the age of 18, which is considered the age of
\nmaturity\u2014reflected what has been identified as parents\u2019
\nambivalent feelings about their children being adults
\n(Santrock 1992, 2005; Shaffer 2002). However, the
\nextended family and neighbors helped participants in some
\ninstances to discover the identities and whereabouts of their
\ntrue fathers.
\nThese findings show that where lies were told, or truths
\nuntold, the pain was significant for the participants. However, the silent search suggested that asking about father\u2019s
\nidentity required carefully balancing the need to show
\nrespect and gratitude to the mother with the need to know.
\nAdolescence is usually presented as a stage characterized
\nby conflict with parents (Rice 1984; Shaffer 2002; Thomas
\n1992). These youths, by not asking, avoided conflict with
\ntheir mothers. We saw them display what (Santrock 1992)
\nand (Shaffer 2002) argue is an adolescent\u2019s heightened
\nawareness of others and an ability to detect contextual or
\nsituational variability. The following interpretation is
\ngermane.
\nFirstly, they considered that they might be victimized if
\nthey asked questions. Participants were concerned that
\nasking questions might be interpreted as disrespectful by
\nadults. And in African society, respect, expressed through
\nunquestioning obedience, is a very important value taught
\nto children (Jewkes et al. 2005; Mekoa 2003). The \u2018respect\u2019
\nexpected of them functioned as psychological control to
\nconstrain verbal expression of feelings, and induced feelings of guilt on their side. However, respect did not stop
\nthem from blaming their mothers for hiding the truth and
\nholding ulterior motives. The self-restraint displayed here,
\n308 J Child Fam Stud (2011) 20:303\u2013310
\n123
\nwe argue, could result in suppressed anxiety and distress,
\nand, with no intervention, could contribute to serious
\ndepression. Secondly, after evaluating the volatility of the
\nenvironment, some participants said they decided not to tell
\nat home when they discovered the truth. They used information to create a sense of autonomy for themselves and
\nfound ways to join their fathers.
\nParents employed different strategies in dealing with the
\nquestion; most were not satisfactory to the children as disclosure was rarely an outcome. The question was dismissed
\nby parents as unimportant, invalidating the children\u2019s
\ninterest. And in response to not being told the truth, or to
\ninappropriate discovery of the truth, participants expressed
\nfeelings of loneliness and sadness, of being unwanted,
\nunloved, uncared for, worthless, angry, confused and
\nrejected. These feelings were also associated with an
\nattempted suicide by the male participant who was involved
\nin an incestuous relationship, an indication that inappropriate disclosure can cause a seriously distressing situation,
\nespecially in a case involving social taboos and offensiveness around within clan sex (Guma and Henda 2004;
\nNiehaus 2002). How children and families handle undisclosed father identity is very important in order to prevent
\nnegative psychological impact. Feelings of isolation from a
\nclique that knows; being fearful and anxious; experiencing
\nrejection when one has finally asked; and lack of confidence
\nin people that one is emotionally connected to, such as
\nmothers, were all described in depth by participants and
\nthese are ingredients that in the long term, these feelings
\nmight lead to depression and suicidal behavior.
\nLimitations
\nThis paper is based on a limited number of interviews from
\na particular community and it is possible that more interviews could have reflected other issues surrounding
\nundisclosed paternity. One interview was conducted with
\neach participant, and these did not contain full life histories, which might have given more contexts to issues surrounding undisclosed paternity and its implications. It is
\ncritical that parents\u2019 voices are also heard if we are to fully
\nunderstand the challenges faced by the youth. These findings do not imply that paternal identity and disclosure are
\nalways distressing experiences for youth, as it is possible
\nthat youth who had smoothly resolved this did not volunteer for the study.
\nConclusion
\nIn this paper we have identified the \u2018\u2018need to know one\u2019s
\nfather\u2019\u2019 as important in youth, but it is undoubtedly linked
\nto many other negative experiences in this setting. This
\npaper shows that the value placed by the youth on paternal
\nidentity became especially important in the face of adversity, conflicts in the maternal home, and a desire to improve
\n(often very difficult) financial circumstances. The implicit
\nuniversalizing and naturalistic assumption that the maternal
\nfamily satisfactorily provides a home for all ignores the
\neffect of poverty on some households in South Africa.
\nA real fear of asking mothers about fathers\u2019 identity in a
\nbid to avoid conflict was notable here, suggesting that
\nfamilies needed support to help them develop strategies to
\ndialogue the issue of paternal identity. It is highly possible
\nthat embarrassments, distress, incest and some suicide
\nattempts could be prevented by early disclosure.
\nAcknowledgments This study was supported by funding received
\nfrom the Ford Foundation through the Africa Regional Sexuality
\nResources Centre, the Faculty of Humanities and the Carnegie Fellowship Awards received from the University of Witwatersrand. We
\nthank all the participants who volunteered their time on the project
\nand colleagues who provided feedback throughout the writing process, in particular Yandisa Sikweyiya and Lindiwe Farlane for their
\ninsightful comments on earlier drafts.
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